What started this

Like my last post from about 2 seconds ago said, I cannot sleep because of things going on in my mind. And my little blurb mentioned an accident that I had a week ago. When one learns how close they are to losing everything, you start to put things in perspective and really think about things.

Last week I was competing in the Kiawah Triathlon on Kiawah Island, SC and midway through the bike portion, I crashed. I have no idea how or why. All I remember was riding along - enjoying the fact that I survived the ocean swim and was ahead of some people - and then I woke up on the side of the road and I could not remember a thing from that day. Of course, all I wanted to do was get back on the bike and finish the race. How cares if I was bleeding from my face and could not move. I was finishing the race DAMN IT!!!! I had too much riding on it (no pun intended).

Then reality set in. Andy and Noah showed up and thats when I started to freak out a bit. I am still having visions of seeing Andy and Noah coming towards me and trying not to look scared. I can still see the aides taking Noah away so he wouldn't see his mommy all hurt. Andy, God bless him, was able to convince me to get into the ambulance.

Now it was something out of Grey's - I was given a neck brace and put on a backboard. Not being able to move any part of my body - now that sucked. And part of me could not help thinking "I really hope I don't need to pee." I must have drifted in and out of consciousness during the ride.

I was wheeled into the ER at MUSC about 30 minutes later and I had like 10 people treating me. It was kind of weird, scary and cool at the same time. One of the nurses, Hanneka, is a customer at the store where I work and one of the techs, Alex, is housemates with 2 of my co-workers. Small world!

I tried to act all brave and crack jokes with everyone, but at one point I turned to Hanneka and admitted that I was scared. I had some bumps, bruises and cuts on my head, face, neck and shoulder, but something just did not feel "right." Call me a wimp people, I don't care!!!!

X-rays and CT scans and many hours later, the doctors started a conversation with "try to remain calm." When the hell does anything good follow that? Dr. Watson (I think that was his name) said that they found something on my film. Now this was a flashback to when I was 16 and I went to the hospital for a sprained ankle and found out I had a tumor in my leg. FREAK OUT ALERT! FREAK OUT ALERT!

I have a fracture on the left base of my skull near my spine. It is called a "left occipital condyle avulsion fracture." There is no point to operating because they think it will heal on its own, but I do need to wear a neck brace for a few weeks.

I Googled my injury and one report I found says this:

"Fractures of the occipital condyle are rare;"

"The low number of cases reported in the literature is due both to the fact that these fractures are difficult to diagnose, since conventional radiography is often negative, and to the fact that,
being often associated with mainly fatal atlanto-occipital dislocations."

"The clinical casesreported in the literature are characterized by: (a) neck pain associated with a functional limitation of the cervical spine motion [5-I 8]; (b) deficit of cranial nerve function
(nerves IX, X, XI, XII) occurring at the level of the jugular foramen or of the hypoglossal canal [3-15]; (c) coma due to brainstem injuries [8-10]."

I do not need to be a neursurgeon to understand this.....I am lucky to be alive and not paralyzed.

Call me overdramatic, call me a diva, call me a bitch who deserved it, I don't care! All I know that I have taken my life for granted for too many years and have made so many mistakes that maybe this was my wake up call. This has helped me realized what matters most in life.

Now if I can only stop the nightmares and get some sleep.

To be continued.........